“Men and women, women and men, it will never work.” (Erica Jong)

Jokes for all… but as always…

Ladies first:

Man to woman, ‘Fancy a quickie?’ Woman, As opposed to what?’

What did God say after creating man? ‘I’m sure I can do better than that.’

What do you call an intelligent, good-looking, sensitive man? A rumour.

What’s a man’s idea of foreplay? Half an hour of begging.

Why do men die before women? Who cares?

Why is food better than men? Because you don’t have to wait an hour for seconds.

- Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? They already have boyfriends.

What is a man? A life-support machine for a penis.

Why do so many women fake orgasms? Because so many men fake foreplay.

What do you call a man who’s just had sex? Anything you like – he’s asleep.

Okay… you twisted my arm!!! More for the ladies…

Men are like animals – messy, insensitive and potentially violent – but they make great pets.

Men are like bank accounts – without a lot of money, they don’t generate much interest.

Men are like blenders – you need one, but you’re never quite sure why.

And for the men….

‘Intuition: the strange instinct that tells a woman she’s right, whether she is or not.’ - Oscar Wilde

Why did God create Adam first? So he’d have a chance to talk before Eve came along.

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

Why can only 30% of women get into heaven? Because if it were more, it would be hell.

How many women does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.

Women like silent men; they think they’re listening.

- What’s the difference between PMT and BSE? One’s mad cow disease and the other is an agricultural problem.

- In an average day a man speaks 35,000 words and a woman speaks 30,000. Unfortunately, by the time I get home, I’ve done my 35,000 and she hasn’t even started on her 30,000.

What’s the one thing worse than a male chauvinist? A woman who won’t do as she’s told.

-In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

It’s women’s fault that men lie to them – they ask too many questions.

But really:

- Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternising with the enemy ;)