Wednesday, 9 May 2007

“Men and women, women and men, it will never work.” (Erica Jong)

Jokes for all… but as always…

Ladies first:

Man to woman, ‘Fancy a quickie?’ Woman, As opposed to what?’

What did God say after creating man? ‘I’m sure I can do better than that.’

What do you call an intelligent, good-looking, sensitive man? A rumour.

What’s a man’s idea of foreplay? Half an hour of begging.

Why do men die before women? Who cares?

Why is food better than men? Because you don’t have to wait an hour for seconds.

- Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? They already have boyfriends.

What is a man? A life-support machine for a penis.

Why do so many women fake orgasms? Because so many men fake foreplay.

What do you call a man who’s just had sex? Anything you like – he’s asleep.

Okay… you twisted my arm!!! More for the ladies…

Men are like animals – messy, insensitive and potentially violent – but they make great pets.

Men are like bank accounts – without a lot of money, they don’t generate much interest.

Men are like blenders – you need one, but you’re never quite sure why.

And for the men….

‘Intuition: the strange instinct that tells a woman she’s right, whether she is or not.’ - Oscar Wilde

Why did God create Adam first? So he’d have a chance to talk before Eve came along.

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

Why can only 30% of women get into heaven? Because if it were more, it would be hell.

How many women does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.

Women like silent men; they think they’re listening.

- What’s the difference between PMT and BSE? One’s mad cow disease and the other is an agricultural problem.

- In an average day a man speaks 35,000 words and a woman speaks 30,000. Unfortunately, by the time I get home, I’ve done my 35,000 and she hasn’t even started on her 30,000.

What’s the one thing worse than a male chauvinist? A woman who won’t do as she’s told.

-In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

It’s women’s fault that men lie to them – they ask too many questions.

But really:

- Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternising with the enemy ;)

Monday, 7 May 2007

Not for the faint hearted!!!

The rush!!! screaming my head off!!!

(You need to run like the wind!!!! your life literally depends on it! lol..), (scared s**tless most of the time, but still I love them … I love the anticipation, the suspense, the screaming, the gore, being made to use every swear word imaginable… being able to tell who will survive. love it when they think they can run… but knowing they can’t hide!!

Horror Movies: the general idea behind most them? You snooze, you die….

All time favourites:

- The Ring (The American remake is not as scary as the Japanese original)
Random: the link between The Ring (American make) and The Texas Chain Saw Massacre: it’s the same strange little boy in both. ( i really hope he doesn't get typecasted with horror movies)
- The Texas Chain Saw Massacre
- Saw I

( He doesn't want us to cut through our chains! He wants us to cut through our feet! ) Good Luck.. :)

- Saw II
- Saw III
- The Hostel

The gore in Saw I, II, III and the Hostel is really not for wimps. These two movies take 'gruesome' to new heights but i'm not complaining.
- The Exorcism of Emily Rose

(This one... is based on a true story about a Young German woman Anneliese Michel.. if you couldn't stomach The exorcist, then don't bother with this)

- Jeepers Creepers (where’d ya get those eyes?)

- Arachnophobia (Saw it once, yet to recover, never again) - The probable cause of my fear of spiders.

The Omen (2006) is the only horror movie i can't see.... Peeps scared me so much with this one.. but i'm not too upset.. i've seen the 1976 classic.. people were so scared they were saying stuff like (it's against my religion to see movies like that.... lol.. totally understand)

My favourite classics:

- The Silence of the Lambs (Thriller)
- The Exorcist

(Personally, this is probably one of the scariest movies ever made and it is supposedly based on a true story.)

- It (If you're REALLY scared of clowns avoid at all costs...) (not keen on clowns myself)
- Candy Man (I am yet to get someone to actually say candy man to a mirror 3 times let alone 5, blooming chickens!! I can write it i.e. Candy Man, Candy Man, Candy Man (see how I only wrote it three times?? Lol. But you won’t catch me saying it either but obviously different rules apply to me.)
- Nightmare on Elm Street
One, two, Freddy's coming for you.
Three, four, better lock your door.
Five, six, grab your crucifix.
Seven, eight, gonna stay up late.
Nine, ten, never sleep again.
One, two, Freddy's coming for you.
Three, four, better lock your door.
Five, six, grab your crucifix.
Seven, eight, better stay up late.
Nine, ten, he's back again


And of course Child’s Play: ( Chucky used to be scary.. no longer is.. but he is definitely a classic)

Hi, I’m Chucky. Wanna Play? (Love it)

Next on my 'to see' list: Janghwa

If you know of any other exceptional horror movies, feel free to share...

random: i love this song.. you will like if you are a'electro/dance' fan...

Groove Armada - Get Down

We are probably familiar with some of thier earlier work I see you baby which was used in the Renault Magane advert.

Tuesday, 24 April 2007

The Odd, The Scary, The Cute and The Fine

The Odd...

Either A Rabbit or a kangaroo had 'relations' with a Rat

A bear and an Aardvark??
Amazon Horned Frog
Some other animal with a really big head had 'relations' with a frog??

so a Camel might have
got together with a horse?
Mountain Goat
So a a sheep got a bit too friendly with a goat?

Red Uakari

Very odd!! almost looks like the head doesn't belong to the body or the skin was pulled off its face?? I really can't think of what two animals would have got togther to create this..

Spider Monkey
lol.. more like 'crazed monkey'
Wolverine ( i have only ever heard of one Wolverine ) and he's HOT!

If you have any better ideas on combos please share!!

The Scary (Will never be keen on these lot!!)
(i saw a 'normal' spider yesterday and i am still recovering so if i saw one of these two?? no comment)
Spiders (the Black widow spider,

and the Egyptian Giant Solpugid)
Frilled Lizard

as for Cockroaches ( i was going to put up pictures but even the pics were scaring me)- These lot are potential causes of a nervous breakdown..

The Cute

Arctic Hare (he's been overindulging)

Jack Rabbit
Common Wombat

Manatee (chubby dolphin)
Mouse Lemur

The Fine (superiority complex? Yes. but can you blame them??)


Some animals will bite 'off' the hand that feeds them!!?? Click to see what happened

Wednesday, 11 April 2007

Bittersweet!!! To be or not to be?? Do I stop eating branded chocolate - that is the question??

A documentary on the BBC the other day about the production of Cocoa in the Ivory Coast got me thinking. Unfortunately or Fortunately (depending on the way you look at it) the program pulled on my heartstrings and now I have banned myself from eating non fair trade chocolate (how long will that last??). Truth be told I am actually really torn.

This is one commodity market/ industry that has been tarnished with the negative brush. The system works with cocoa farmers in some West African countries, and then middle people selling off the beans to the chocolate giants/brand owners. The profits though, don’t come into play until they get into the hands of the middle people who then sell off these raw materials to the giants. A lot of these cocoa farmers are left with no choice but to accept diabolical amounts for the sale of their produce and they have been doing this for years.

Cocoa is possibly one of the better-known commodities worldwide yet the most common finished product of all CHOCOLATE is extremely well known in the West but not as known where the actual beans are derived. Sometimes life will draw you the short straw but then again is it okay for others to take advantage. The farmers come along and are forced to ensure that the quality of the cocoa is high. Ironically the quality of life of these farmers remains worryingly low. The middle people trade on the stock market and in turn influence the price. Yet those in the stock markets in New York and London are the major determinants of the price.

Strangely enough the revenue generated by the cocoa farmers has actually remained the same for years in comparison to a constant increase in the actual price that the brand owners charge. So simply put those who produce the cocoa are not the same people who profit and benefit from it. The worst part for me was when the BBC reporter gave a cocoa farmer of 30+ years chocolate biscuits and his expression was a Kodak moment. (that was his first time ever eating the finished product)

As a result I am now guilt ridden and I have banned myself from touching any chocies that are not fair trade. Trying to be ethical is not easy!!!!! But I feel helpless because I would like the situation to be different!!! So I ask is fair trade chocolate the Way forward? Honestly my understanding of the fair trade process is still slightly shaky. What I have derived so far is that the farmers get about three times as much as they normally would through the fair trade process, which I am guessing, is reflected in the price?? So companies negotiate with the actual farmers and agree on a fair price for the product?? Fair trade products generally cost more than other products. For example the coffee costs about £3.99 for a massive can, double choc chip cookies cost £1.29 and the divine chocolate bar cost about £0.50 from an Oxfam shop. Now I don’t know what they put in those bars but they do taste DIVINE!! (It melts in your mouth and tastes so yummy – okay I am diverting)

Organisations such as Oxfam are trying to make a difference and a lot of companies are jumping on the ‘fair trade’ bandwagon. But listening to the BBC reporter questioning the lady who was representing the major chocolate producers (non of the companies were willing to come forward so they sent a representative) it is clear we have a long way to go. The lady representing the major giants made it clear that they were not ready to budge even with the talk of children as young as 5 being forced to work on these farms. But can you blame them. If a certain situation benefits you why would you want to change it??

I honestly wish I could tell these farmers how to take control and market their products so that ‘they’ have the upper hand. But then again from a pessimistic viewpoint these brand owners are not called giants for nothing. So really is this just another lost cause?? Or can I actually create some awareness and start something positive??

Thursday, 5 April 2007

I hope to.....

I hope to smile even when I feel sad

I hope to love even when I feel anger

I hope to feel upbeat even when I feel miserable

I hope not to cry even when the tears burn my eyes

I hope to feel a hug even when I feel empty

I hope to see even when I feel lost

I hope to find even when I can’t see

I hope to learn, even when I feel I can’t take it in

I hope for success, even when I feel failure

But most of all

I hope for the ‘fruits of the spirit’
(Galatians 5: 22-23)